siq

Really good music videos that remind me of how I felt when I was on shrooms. I wish I could see the 3D version of Wanderlust. I don't even like Bjork, I just dig her vidz.

: )

I hate my ability to fully accept you the way you are.

things I shouldn't know, but know anyways:

- how small your dick is

- how bad you are at fucking

- your abortion

- you're a secret fag

- how big your dick is

- you're a secret lez

- why he liked to fuck you doggy style

- you're weird sexcapades with even weirder people

- why you act the way you do

- the fact that you got raped, and how

- the fact that you got raped and didn't know

- the fact that you forced your best friends boy friend to fuck you

- how you took that vow of purity but then ended up getting fucked

- the fact that you got raped by your cousin, when you were 8

- how you tried to kill yourself

- the fact that you were in a threesome, with your best friend





who said I couldn't keep secrets?

Stop making a fool out of me

I have Valerie by Amy Winehouse stuck in my head (thank jetzi, no more dark room singalongs please)
I feel weird, I'm happy as shit but there's a lot of weird under the happy
you give me the worst migraines

Whatever

I am so excited to get the fuck out of here!
I'm only going to be moving at most a couple miles a way, but I'm so stoked

R.I.P bbyboi

sometimes

I forget to breathe

My Moon My Man - Feist
this song has been stuck in my head all week, and every night I listen to it.
Super bittersweet
I feel like someone just deflated my lungs.

sometimes

I run out of things to say


this is a rare phenomena but I guess this also means I get a break! I stopped writing in my book in May, I don't how long I won't be able to write for.

sup

I want to look/feel like this all winter
cr33p3r status fucking weird brah
that makes no sense
uh
I'm too bro for reality

C'mon

I've been wondering for a while now what sort of force you're usin'
That keeps me up nights sad and boozin'
Just called to tell you I kind of like it, I know it sounds sadistic
But when it's gone Oh how I miss it

I've grown accustomed to the feeling; I know I've hit the bottom,
Time skips like stones on ponds in Autumn
But at a tavern, Late one Sunday I had a premonition;
Forgettin' you was my life's mission

But if you stare up into the sky
There's people like you and I
Dancin' on the moon at night
And the black sky's pierced by a burst of white

Stare up into the sky
There's people like you and I
Dancin' on the moon, just check
And the sky's turned into a discotheque

I've been wondering for a while now what sort of force you're usin'
That keeps me drinkin', thinkin', losin'
Is it on purpose? A conscious effort? Cause if so you're a sadist
And you fill my books with angry pages

It's getting colder with Christmas coming, I don't know why you're opposin'
The winter's just the summer frozen
And on your rooftop late at night time the moon's as white as birchbark,
It's like the universe's freakish birthmark

And on your rooftop late at night time we watch them oh so joyous
And count hours until the sun destroys us
And on your rooftop late at night time we watch them oh so joyous
And count hours until the sun destroys us


Matthew Adam Hart is a beautiful lyricist. The Russian Futurists are the shit, http://www.last.fm/music/The+Russian+Futurists/_/C%27mon

S3N10R Y34R

I feel like a little kid
just set the coffee maker's timer for 6 a.m (but on normal days it'll be 5:15)
made my lunch (turkey sandwich with pretzels and an apple)
filled up my canteen
packed my bag with: my summer photos, photo journal, 3 mechanical pencils, 3 black pens, one note book, a pack of gum, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter)

I feel like I did the night before I started kindergarten

somethings

-Acid was not what I had expected
- I'm always tired
- I wish I was emotionally drained
- I don't want to go back to school because then I can't be stupid anymore
- Does anyone else wonder why The Von Bondies never became a big band? They're fucking good.

Pawn Shoppe Heart

oh, and I have a tumblr now, so that I can remember things that I think are cool and not have to think about how they go along with blog posts. It's like I'm organizing the internet.
http://eelharas.tumblr.com/

choke

this week has been about pushing my limits

Mr. Nice Guy

The realization that this will forever be imprinted in the back of my mind is completely depressing. I will never be free, but in reality, I don't ever want to be free. I like this subtle torture because I constantly have something to think about, and regret thinking about. I love those inconsistent short term periods of time when I've distracted myself to the point where your presence is forgotten. When I realize that it was only a mere distraction, I love jumping back on the band wagon. Thanks.

flo

For some reason, music is the only thing that can make me cry anymore.

but nothing beats an original

reality vs. ambience

The only thing worst then the really dumb, superficial and uncomfortable realization that I just made is the fact that I made it while listening to Blink 182.

p.s. I don't want you to be happy because then I will not be happy.

Time never meant much to me

Famous Last Words - Deerhunter

I love Bradford Cox, the new e.p is ace.

Tick

quit  /kwɪt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [kwit] Show IPA verb, quit or quit⋅ted, quit⋅ting, adjective

–verb (used with object)

1. to stop, cease, or discontinue: She quit what she was doing to help me paint the house.
2. to depart from; leave (a place or person): They quit the city for the seashore every summer.
3. to give up or resign; let go; relinquish: He quit his claim to the throne. She quit her job.
4. to release one's hold of (something grasped).
5. to acquit or conduct (oneself).
6. to free or rid (oneself): to quit oneself of doubts.
7. to clear (a debt); repay.

–verb (used without object)

8. to cease from doing something; stop.
9. to give up or resign one's job or position: He keeps threatening to quit.
10. to depart or leave.
11. to stop trying, struggling, or the like; accept or acknowledge defeat.

–adjective

12. released from obligation, penalty, etc.; free, clear, or rid (usually fol. by of): quit of all further responsibilities.

I wish I was a nihilist or a minimalist or an anarchist or an apathist.

Wish you were here!

"It's 2:30 am on a Monday, what the fuck do I have to prove to anyone?"
I don't know what this means, but it's affective.
I just had the longest weekend of my life, it never ended.
So much happened, I feel a lot of indifference.
I said Yes! to Michigan, and Michigan gave me a fucking sunburn.

nothing

I used to think you were a volcano.
Now I know you're an impostor, a mountain posing as though you were going to erupt.

holy world war

This happens once in the summer and once in the winter
But I realize that every time I read to hard, I'm always left on the same page

ugh

I'm having the worst week of my life
My computer crashed, and all I want is the 50+ gigs of music back
I have the flu, and I keep having the craziest hot flashes
I wanted to cash my checks so I can pay for stuff for pf but I didn't realize that it takes 3+ days for checks to clear also, I can't find my debit card
I haven't showered in 4 days
:(

Come again, Choose to go

Sometimes but not often you begin to feel this way. The blisters on your feet, the kink in your neck, none of that matters. The complete infinity and bliss you feel can not be ruined by anything. It's not defeated by your aching back or the now stale taste of last night's party in your mouth. Everything and yet nothing at all is complete, it's perfect. It's an end of an era, or a beginning of some sort of beautiful journey. The outcome is still unknown. Good or bad? Only time can tell. Moments like these are supported by a beautiful symphony, a soundtrack if you will. The songs that fit these moments never fail you. These songs are the ones that have carried you through many times like these before or have undoubtedly proven themselves to be reliable. During moments like these, the ones of complete and utter contentment, you have no choice but to put this soundtrack on. Each song can either lift you to the highest peaks of elation or can bring you to your knees, but not in a negative way. Nothing can ever sound or taste or even feel as sweet as each base line, guitar riff or back beat. The lyrics of these songs seem to be written and sung only for your ears. Times like these you wish that you can embed your headphones into your eardrums and never let go of this feeling.

I'm doing as much as possible not to drive myself crazy

I Love You But I Dont - Bark Bark Bark

1+1+1 = 3

Can Tina Turner (1971) stop being such a fucking beast?

naw dude, and you haven't even gotten me started on Cher

into the white

I've only just realized that June is barely over and I still have 2 more months of summer. This is moving too slow for my taste, I have a lot of shit to do but nothing is getting accomplished. My excitement has suddenly run out and I hope something new will come around soon. More and more I find myself just wanting to watch copious amounts of Showtime which has some of the best and worst movies right now. I just want to be alone, or no longer alone in a group of people.

crazy diamonds

too stoked for words!!!!!!!! PF is the only thing I'm looking forward too
also, the most adorable thing I've heard in a while:

I'm a deep sea diver loosing air

Today the electricity on my block went out
it must have also taken the electricity in my life

this + this =
beautiful.
My days are filled with blogs and flickr photo streams, my nights are filled with stupidity

ohrly?

I wrote this really kind of nice, not that bitchy post. But then today I remembered that you're a fucking asshole and don't deserve my civility, so fuck you asshole.
also it looks like I wrote my last post when I was drunk, fail.

Fuck you P.Wolf

holy shit
I've never wanted to punch to punch anyone in the face more then I do now.
Does Patrick Wolf suddenly feel he is the gay messiah? Who is he? Fucking Bowie mixed with Kevin Barnes? UHHHHHHHHHHH.
I don't even know what the video pisses me off so much

jesus h christ

I just realized what a bitch fest this blog has become. If I wanted to be an emo cunt I would just go back to my xanga.
Anways this is one of my all time favorite images:I found this on google like one or two years ago when the whole two-faced baby came about. I love it because of what's going on. The mom is basically saying "HERE, Here's my fucking weird ass baby, I know." In retrospect, the dad is like "WHOA, I AM JUST AS CONFUSED AS YOU ARE, WHAT THE FUCK"
beautiful!
Also, I downloaded the Beastie Boy's discography a couple weeks ago and I just realized they made some sort of weird instrumental jam c.d. It's completely awkward and keeps coming up on shuffle.

Mood music:

Best thing I've heard in a while.
oh and they're playing pitchfork? This is like a fucking myth. The only thing that could be possibly better would be Jacob performing as BarkBarkBark.
OH and my pitchfork tickets are in the mail? I can go die now, and then be resurrected for twp days of beautiful music and then I can die again.

deep blue sea

I used to often wish to become the person I once was. The person I was in a past life. After a night of conscious dreaming, I decided to revisit that person. I realize now that the person, the one from my past life, was ridiculous. Not to say that who I am now isn't ridiculous, but, everything was so elevated. Everything was such a big deal. Maybe I'm jaded. Maybe I've grown up. The only detail of that person, the one that I once was, that I wish I could have back is the excitement. I want to be excited. I want to feel so elated that I have to tell everyone.

I've been awake for 27 hours
that's a bit excessive

barely conscious

sometimes it's okay to feel this weak

Rolling Blackouts

Sometimes I feel like an insect seized by the cordyceps fungs

Moods don't command you

my birthday is comming up
all I really really want is a new notebook
mine is falling apart slowly and is almost out of pages

If it's all or nothing

then let me go.

wave of mutilation

I'm at a weird place in my life
I feel stuck
but not really
I miss everything all the time
I want to be sloppy which is bad because it's only Monday
Summer is so close but not here yet
I can't stop thinking about things I shouldn't think about
I'm obsessing over serial killers and footage of people jumping from the burning world trade center
I think all of these are connected
I can't stop listening to the Pixies

sick sundays

burn

Tomorrow I finally enter my own personal hell:
Fuck the AP Art History test, thus the second picture. I love that fact that it's done in a pretty hyperrealistic style, it's kind of like saying "FUCK YOU MICHELANGELO", but a softer blow.

I'm going to go sleep for 9 hours.

killer queen

Freddy Mercury was a beautiful man. I just went on an insane Queen binge thanks to Max and the pure genius of such a wonderful man. This inspires me to be insanely glam rock, all day every day. I'm going to whip out my acid wash leggings and also going on some crazy acid wash-glitter-stud-fringe-spree, allowing me to hot glue and dye my life away. This summer I will look like 70s and 80s rock had a love child that puked all over me.

Lost and Found

spring cleaning
I just fully cleaned my computer desk and the baskets on it for the first time in over 4 years. I found relics from my past life, not really, but from 1-3 years ago. Here are four examples, and more to come:
These would all look a lot better if my scanner didn't suck and if I had photoshop or some other photo editing software. Also click the picz to enlarge.

hussel.

This is my friend Kerry

I am pretty much in love with her. I met her last year and we ended up eating lunch together everyday. I love how her sense of style and taste can't really be defined or labeled. One day she'll be all pyshco-billyed out the next she'll look like a lady peewee herman. She also loves ghetto music on the down low. I barely see her anymore, but when ever I see her and her crew at school I can not help but admit that they are the cutest set I've seen in a long ass time. Their hair color and style varies day to day, one day she will have synth-dreads the next day she looks like a femme-nazi. It's awesome! I just think she's adorable and I really love her personal style.

also

Two Weeks Of Hip Hop (Dead Prez vs Grizzly Bear) - The Hood Internet
max always hooks that shit up

Nunca Pasa Nada

eliminate what you can't repair.

Compare/Contrast

What I should be doing:Art History Essay.

What I am doing:

James Franco Screen Test vid for NYT, JAK&JILL, FB

life is dull.

the bigger, the better

I really love this picture. I don't really know why. That night was so weird and funny and awkward and a little sad, but only for me. It was just me and my boys, drinking 40 oz and going to hooters. It was also extremely cold and I had gotten punched in the face on the train. I miss carrying my propack every where and having film all the time. It's weird because most of the pictures I find laying around are from last year, and there's this weird underlying sadness in each one, and it's odd to see how my life has progressed since that time. I don't really know if it has progressed, but I feel a lot better and a lot less stupid, although stupidity will always flow through my veins.

Happy 4/20, I didn't get stoned today but it seemed like everyone else in this city had.

The worst part of my night is when I start playing music on itunes, because Bob Dylan comes up between every few songs, and it brings me down. Fuck Bob Dylan.

uncool/cool

UNcool:
- apparently it's rather uncool to sleep in someone's bathroom. When did this trend start? At the end of the night, the bathroom is the best place in the house.
- getting my cigarettes stolen when there were only 4 other people around. I'm not upset that someone stole my shit, just mostly that it was a new pack and it was my third for the weekend.
- kitties - basically kyrptonite.
- being broke
- actually grooming, and then not really having a reason to be clean.

Cool:
-Steve Berra's awkward ass body, so good. I don't know why but..yes?- The doors of The Garden of Earthly Delights, they make the painting even better
- husky puppies